Oh brilliant. BRILLIANT!
Remember, after spending morning fannying around being hungover, that left car round mate’s last night and am therefore going to have to bus round there to pick it up before driving off for Important Meeting. Meaning I will be late for Important Meeting, unless leave flat NOW.
Look at portfolio needed to impress potential clients in Important Meeting. Realise is hideously out of date. Hastily ram in new material. Presentation looks awful.
Pull on stale work clothes from yesterday, grab bulging portfolio and stumble out of door. Realise, as totter towards bus stop in heels drastically unsuitable for requisite speed-walking, that have forgotten phone.
Engage in internal debate as to whether or not to go back for phone. Don’t have time. But chances of needing it to call client to inform of likely lateness are inevitably multiplied tenfold by the law of sod if don’t have phone on me. Stand in confusion wasting yet more time.
Decide to go back for phone. Turn around and take two steps back towards flat. Decide against it. Turn around again, in time to see bus race past. Curse loudly, in time to offend old lady shuffling past. Return glare delivered by said old lady. Realise said old lady is neighbour. Belated attempt to transform un-neighbourly glare into weak smile fails miserably and fools nobody.
Trudge to bus stop. Stop. Wait. Wonder when next bus is due. Whilst wondering, hear sound of papers falling all over the ground. Look down. Papers have fallen all over the ground. Bulging portfolio has exploded.
Papers have fallen into pile of golden autumn leaves. Contemplate kicking golden autumn leaves. Poxy things.
Pick up now-sodden, leaf-encrusted papers and plod back to flat. Call client and invent story of car breaking down. Realise story might be sounding more plausible without the stammering, frequent hesitations and complete lack of detail. “What’s wrong with the car?” “Oh, it won’t… erm… go.”
Re-arrange Important Meeting for next week. Fling sodden, leafy, broken portfolio onto floor and collapse in similarly bedraggled, hassled heap.
(Then turn on laptop and blog about it.)
